This is what David Archuleta looks like when he’s happy….
This is what David Archuleta looks like when he’s sad….
This is at least partly why “American Idol”’s ratings are down again this year. The top singers have little to no personaility, with Archuleta leading the charge in this department. Yes, the boy can sing. But personality matters just as much when you are a pop star – the people have to have something to grasp onto, and Archuleta’s got no handles, besides the fact that he has a cool sounding last name.
If he wins, the only people who will buy his records are kids 10 and under, and women over 70 - no one in between. If he wins, which I’m guessing he will, he has more of a chance of becoming the next Jonas Brothers or Zac Efron than Justin Timberlake. This wouldn’t be a problem if “American Idol” billed itself as “Star Search”, but it claims to be finding the country’s next “Idol,” which you think would appeal to people whose voices have already cracked.
David Cook also has some pipes, and he could win, and he probably would be more successful in the marketplace. However, I get the sense that Top 40 stations already have enough Nickelback’s and Daughtry’s out there, and that’s exactly what Cook is. Maybe he’ll do us a favor and transform into a funk artist if he wins. We don’t have enough of those out there.
Syesha Mercado won’t win, which is a shame because she’s pretty good and has somewhat more of a personality than those other two. However, she’s been on the brink of elimination the whole year and this week is unfortunately her week to go because we know America can’t get enough of those Davids. My vote was for Chikezie – it’s a damn shame he had to go so early.
According to FMQB, P. Diddy (or whatever variation of that he wants us to call him) recently visited the set of the Notorious B.I.G. biopic that is currently filming and was so taken aback with Derek Luke’s portrayal of himself, he had to leave. “I had to leave, cause he was acting just like me,” the astute Didster said.
He also had high compliments for Jamal “Gravy” Woolard, who is playing Biggie. “Gravy’s killing it. If I tell you he’s killing it, then that’s all we need to say, you know what I’m saying? I don’t think anybody could have done a better job,” he said.
I have yet to see any footage, but I don’t doubt the actors are doing a good job. However, for me, biopics about recent people all seem to have the same problem in that, no matter how good the actors are, I would just as soon watch a documentary on the person using real footage. Jaime Foxx and Joaquin Phoenix both did amazing jobs in their respective biopics, but I can easily watch footage of the real Ray Charles or Johnny Cash. Ditto for Jim Carrey in “Man on the Moon” and the same goes for the upcoming Biggie one as well.
It works better when the person lived so long ago, there is no video of them. When I think of what Queen Elizabeth I looked like, I think of Cate Blanchett. But when I think of what Johnny Cash looked like, I think of Johnny Cash, not Joaquin dressed up to to look like him. Am I saying biopics of recently deceased people shouldn’t be made? No. I’m just stumping for more documentaries on rock stars. Long live Motley Crue “Behind the Music!”
4. Madonna featuring Justin Timberlake “4 Minutes to Save the World”
5. Usher Featuring Young Jeezy “Love in this Club”
Tally that up and you got one Brit, One American Idol, one Li’l rapper, one young rapper, the old Usher (Usher), the new Usher (Chris Brown), one 50-year old pop star and one recovering Tiger Beat pin up. Justin Timberlake seems old compared with the rest of this crew, so I won’t even start on Madonna. But you gotta hand it to her, her abs probably look as good as Usher’s right now and she appears on her new album cover in dominatrix gear. I bet your 50-year-old 8th grade English teacher wouldn’t have done that.
All of you know a crooner. Not everyone can sing, but everyone knows someone who can kind of sing on key. Chances are this person can sing along on the radio pretty well with famous mike fiends ranging from Sinatra and Paul McCartney to Neil Diamond and Beyonce. However, much better than a good and proper singing voice is one that is distinct, rough around the edges, yet still good. Here is my list of the top 10 voices in the history of rock n’ roll. You won’t find Sinatra or Paul McCartney or Aretha as great as they may be. For me, the best are the most unique. Voices that can not be duplicated or imitated very easily.
10. Joe Cocker
This dude is British and is probably best known for covering the Beatles’ “With a Little Help from My Friends” and is therefore just as well known for singing the theme song to “The Wonder Years.” Most of his best-known songs are covers, so he loses points on the creativity side, but that voice is hard to argue with. John Belushi did a damn good impression of him as well.
9. David Bowie
Bowie’s voice is what Frank Sinatra would sound like if he was born 30 years later and was an androgenous lanky space-alien type gent who called himself Ziggy.
8. Mick Jagger
I don’t what it is, but there is something oddly endearing about scrawny white boys from England with big lips trying to sound like old American blues dudes and/or country hicks.
7. John Fogerty
Who doesn’t like Creedence? No one – that’s who. From hipsters to boomers to grandmas to six year olds, CCR will always be a crowd pleaser.
6. Janis Joplin
Janis has the classic gargle-on-gravel type voice few possess, except that woman who works at the DMV, but I doubt she has Janis’ stage presence.
5. Jeff Tweedy
Tweedy, frontman for Wilco, is the youngest person on this list. It doesn’t hurt that he writes amazing songs, but even if he was singing the “Sesame Street” theme song, it would sound pretty bitchin’, as the kids would say.
4. Robert Plant
Anything that needs to be said about Robert Plant has already been said.
3. Bob Seger
Yes that Chevy commercial song kind of sucked, and he was not immune to lameness later in his career, but his early Detroit working-class man records displayed one of the coolest voices ever.
2. Otis Redding
There are a lot of good soul singers. None compare to this guy.
1. Rod Stewart
Even more so than Seger, Stewart has made a ridiculous number of head-scratching career moves throughout his life, but his early stuff with the Faces and his first four solo albums in the 70s are some of the best rock n’ roll ever recorded and show what his voice can do when he is in the right mood. So there it is- Rod “Spandex-wearin’, Blondes have more Fun havin’, D’ya Think I’m Sexy askin’” Stewart is the greatest singer of all time.
Most modern music videos have large budgets, catered food, back-up dancers, costume changes and a camera cut about once every .5 seconds. Some of them allegedly have plots, but they tend to be difficult to follow with all the distractions. This is a tribute to five videos that are ridiculously simple in premise, but are more memorable than most videos made in the last 10 years, that had much bigger budgets.
The Rolling Stones’ “Waiting on a Friend” has a pretty basic plot – Mick Jagger waits on some steps, Keith Richards meets him there, and they walk down the street to the corner bar where Ronnie Wood is waiting. That’s it.
In Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Looking Out my Back Door”, the band sit around and play the song…and smile….a lot. That’s it.
In the Beatles’ “Something,” the four lads goof around in a park with their respective ladies. That’s it.
In the Clash’s “Rock the Casbah,” the band sings and bounces around in an oil field while an Arab hitchhikes with a Jew and goes to a Burger King. There’s an armadillo in there for some reason too.
In Michael Jackson’s “Rock With You,” the lad dances in front of a couple cool lights in a ridiculous sequined suit. I’m guessing MJ’s wardrobe constituted 86 percent of the budget on this one.
4/8 of Outkast, Big Boi, announced today that his solo album, Sir Luscious Left Foot: The Son of Chico Dusty, will come out in July. It’s nice to see Outkast are still makin stuff, because they seem to be the only rappers out there who get any sort of mainstream press that are willing to embrace goofiness. Just look at the name of that album – it looks like it could be the title of a Beck or Pavement album, and I mean that as a compliment. Compared with his Outkast brethren, Andre 3000, Big Boi, seems to be the conventional one, but you can tell even he has a bit of an experimental side. Can you imagine Jay-Z or 50 Cent naming their album Sir Luscious Left Foot: The Son of Chico Dusty? No you couldn’t.
Word is that Andre’s solo album will be out later this year and a new Outkast album will come out in the beginning of 2009. Their last one, Idlewild, didn’t really excite critics or the sales charts. Perhaps on this next one they can return to their late-90’s peak form. But that’s probably expecting too much. Maybe they”ll re-emerge as Dust Bowl balladeerin’, acoustic guitar slingin’ folk artists who have the ability to talk really fast in rhyme-form. That’d be a nice change of pace.
Coldplay has announced that the name of their new album, which will be out June 17, is Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends.
This makes Coldplay a new member of the Long Album Name Club, joining such renowned artists as:
The Kinks (Arthur Or The Decline and Fall of the British Empire, Lola vs. Powerman and the Money-go-Round Part 1),
Fiona Apple (When the Pawn Hits the Conflicts He Thinks like a King What He Knows Throws the Blows When He Goes to the Fight and He’ll Win the Whole Thing Fore He Enters the Ring There’s No Body to Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might So When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand and Remember That Depth Is the Greatest of Heights and If You Know Where You Stand, Then You’ll Know Where to Land and If You Fall It Won’t Matter, Cuz You Know That You’re Right)
Modest Mouse (This is a Long Drive for Someone with Nothing to Think About, We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank)
Word is that Viva la Vida will feature Chris Martin singing more in a deeper register than his typical falsetto. I’ll believe it when I hear it. It’s hard for any man to resist the falsetto. Lesser men than Martin have died trying.
Unlike music stalwarts such as O-Town and Da Band, apparently the girls who refer to themselves as Danity Kane still exist. Not only that, but they still have the backing from some label to record an album. Not only that, but the album they recorded, “Welcome to the Dollhouse” somehow debuted at the top of the charts last month.
Typically the creations Puff Daddy unleashes on an unsuspecting world through his “Making the Band” show have the shelf life of a bottle of French Vanilla CoffeeMate creamer, which of course seems like it’s going to last forever when you first open it, but then tastes pretty bad after a few mere weeks, if it’s not already gone by that time.
Of course, few pop groups are built to last. But it seems Puffy’s creations fall off the face of the earth before their season of “Making the Band” even makes it onto DVD. O-Town had a couple hit/terrible songs when their album “dropped” back in the day. Then their lead singer, Ashley Parker Angel, made another MTV show a few years later about how he once was on the top of the pop charts, and then his star fell rapidly and he was forced to work menial jobs. Then of course with his new show, “There and Back,” on the airwaves, he had another hit/terrible song – this one with more of a rock edge (in keeping with the tradition of former boy bandmembers’ “comeback songs.”) Now APA, as I’m sure all his homies call him, is back in obscurity.
Puffy’s second project, Da Band, didn’t really have a hit at all. They all seemed to be interested in having street cred within the hip-hop community, but needless to say did not find it using an MTV reality show as an avenue. Hard to figure when their show was probably preceded by episodes of “My Super Sweet Sixteen.” Going for street cred and missing, though, assures you will have no presence on the pop charts and that it is what happened to Da Band.
Which brings us to Danity Kane. These girls had moderate success two years ago when their first album was released following their season of “Making the Band.” But two years is an eternity for pop groups. By now I would have figured these gals would be trying to make it as contestants on “So You Think You Can Dance.” But lo and behold they release an album and it goes to the top of the charts. What can I say – kudos to you. It’s doubtful anyone will remember Danity Kane 20 years from now, but I wouldn’t have believed it in 2006 if you told me anyone would remember them 2 years from then. They’re still no Biggie, though. Puffy, that was your high point.
