McTerminator 4: Full Throttle

Word on the street is that Christian Bale has signed on to play John Connor in not one, but three new “Terminator” movies. The idea of doing more of these movies seems a bit odd, but Christian Bale doesn’t make too many bad choices in his career, so I trust that at least he sees something in them. However, on the flipside, it appears that legendary (wink wink) auteur McG, of “Charlie’s Angels” and “Charlies Angel’s 2: Full Throttle,” has been tapped to direct the new Terminator franchise.

The question is if Christian Bale’s goodness outpowers McG’s badness or vice versa. Perhaps McG actually does have some skills and the studio that produced the “Charlie’s Angels” movies didn’t allow him to flourish. But his name is McG, so…..hmmmm…. I guess we’ll see.

Already signing on for three new “Terminator”’s before the first one is even made seems to be a big commitment on Bale’s part. I don’t understand why every franchise has to come in three’s nowadays. In these cycles, usually the first one is the best one; in the second one everything gets bigger, brighter and more improved, but the plot sucks; and the third one completely peters out and ends the franchise on a sour note and almost destroys the legacy of the first one. There are exceptions to this rule, but unfortunately not often enough.

Of course with “Terminator,” there are already are three of them, so these will be 4, 5, and 6, similar to those “Star Wars” prequels. Everyone loved those. Right? Anyone? Bueller?

When turning cartoons into people goes bad

Well, Warner Bros.’ $160 million “Speed Racer” tanked this weekend, only making about $20 million for a third place box office finish. It didn’t get good reviews – the general consensus among critics was that the plot was dumb as hell and the visuals were cool for about five to ten minutes, but become overbearing after that.

Apparently all the 10-year-old boys that Warner Bros. was hoping to draw were out seeing “Iron Man” again and the nostalgia factor for people who watched the “Speed Racer” cartoon back in the day didn’t kick in either, because they were out seeing “Iron Man” too.

“Speed Racer” and “Iron Man” represent an interesting case study. They’re both based on sources that appeal mostly to comic book/cartoon geeks and they both have have big budgets. But the difference is ”Iron Man” got generally good reviews where as “Speed Racer” did not. And lo and behold, what happened? “Iron Man” brought out the masses (the majority of whom had never read an “Iron Man” comic in their life) and “Speed Racer” tanked.

So it goes to show you, producers. Sometimes you actually have to make the movie good. CGI effects can only do so much.

  

Even Better than the Real Thing

According to FMQB, P. Diddy (or whatever variation of that he wants us to call him) recently visited the set of the Notorious B.I.G. biopic that is currently filming and was so taken aback with Derek Luke’s portrayal of himself, he had to leave. “I had to leave, cause he was acting just like me,” the astute Didster said.

He also had high compliments for Jamal “Gravy” Woolard, who is playing Biggie. “Gravy’s killing it. If I tell you he’s killing it, then that’s all we need to say, you know what I’m saying? I don’t think anybody could have done a better job,” he said.

I have yet to see any footage, but I don’t doubt the actors are doing a good job. However, for me, biopics about recent people all seem to have the same problem in that, no matter how good the actors are, I would just as soon watch a documentary on the person using real footage. Jaime Foxx and Joaquin Phoenix both did amazing jobs in their respective biopics, but I can easily watch footage of the real Ray Charles or Johnny Cash. Ditto for Jim Carrey in “Man on the Moon” and the same goes for the upcoming Biggie one as well. 

It works better when the person lived so long ago, there is no video of them. When I think of what Queen Elizabeth I looked like, I think of Cate Blanchett. But when I think of what Johnny Cash looked like, I think of Johnny Cash, not Joaquin dressed up to to look like him. Am I saying biopics of recently deceased people shouldn’t be made? No. I’m just stumping for more documentaries on rock stars. Long live Motley Crue “Behind the Music!”  

 

Cheesy Disaster Movie: Best if consumed by 1996

The 1990s was the decade of the disaster movie. Natural disasters must have had some pretty good agents back then, because they were all getting their own movies. Volcanoes got two of them – “Volcano” and “Dante’s Peak.” Even rain got in on the action with Christian Slater’s “Hard Rain,” about as dumb a title as any could imagine.

Of course one of the big ones was 1996’s “Twister,” which comes out Tuesday in a two-disc special edition DVD. Yes, I’m giggling too. Seriously, does anyone even watch these movies anymore? It’s a cold hard fact that the majority of movies do not age well, but disaster movies tend to have an even shorter shelf life than most. The problem is that most of their entertainment value lies in the special effects, which in 1996 were just not that special compared to technology we have today.

Therefore the site of a flying cow caught in a twister does not pack the same kind of punch today as it might have 12 years ago. And it’s not like people will be buying this special edition DVD to revisit the romantic chemistry of Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton.

Pretty much all the disaster movies from the 90s have disappeared from society’s collective memory, and we’re all ok for it. I’m sure some people might find some sentimental value in revisiting “Twister”, much in the same way an adult finds sentimental value in re-watching some of the cartoons they watched when they were little and discovering they were horrible. But to expand it to a 2-disc special edition DVD complete with behind-the-scenes featurettes and all that jazz seems a bit much, no? 

“Made of predictability”

So that “Made of Honor” movie came out today. I’m not planning on forking over $9 to see it. I can pretty much guess what’s going to happen in it based on the 30 second preview…. 

Patrick Dempsey harbors the lovey feelings for his longtime female best friend….just when he is about to spill the beans, the gal announces she A) has a new boyfriend B) is totally in love! C) is getting married! and D) Wants him to be her Maid of Honor!!!!.

Wacky hijinks ensue over the next hour while she prepares for the wedding and he decides whether he should tell her how he really feels. At the end, he does tell her, and then one of two things happen….she A) says “I’ve always felt that way too,” and  they get together and get married or B) “I’ve always felt that way too”, but your opportunity is gone and I’m in love with my new man” and he realizes he just wants her to be happy and it ends up being a slightly less happy ending, but happy nonetheless. If its scenario B, he probably ends up falling for her wacky friend anyway.

The plot is strikingly similar to “My Best Friend’s Wedding”. But since all romantic comedies, even the good ones, are usually derivative anyway, I don’t find this that odd. They are predictable because that’s what people like. If a romantic comedy for some reason doesn’t have a happy ending, it is probably showing at your local independent cinema, starring lesser known actors who wear quirky clothes and like to collect vinyl.

If anyone has actually seen this movie, please let me know if I’m correct.  

Forgetting “That 70’s Show” People

Judd Apatow’s latest production, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, opens Friday. That 70’s Show alum Mila Kunis plays one of the main romantic interests in the movie. It’s nice to see that some of those alums are still getting offered some prominent roles.

It was a pretty good show for the most part and it always seemed like the cast would go onto bigger things, but this is yet to happen. Of course Ashton Kutcher was quite the star back in 2004 around the time of the Punk’d heyday, but it seems that just because audiences liked to watch him pull pranks on celebrities and then laugh obnoxiously in their faces, it doesn’t mean they’re going to rush out to see him do drama in The Butterfly Effect or The Guardian. His star never took off and now he’s probably most well known for being Demi Moore’s husband.

I always thought Topher Grace had the most talent of the group, so I saw him going on to bigger and better things. He did land one of the villain roles in Spiderman 3, which is a pretty big deal, but I haven’t seen him in anything else recently. Maybe he’ll have a later career resurgence.

I never thought Fez was funny and Wilmer Valdrerama always annoyed the B. Jesus outta me so I didn’t see him going anywhere besides home with whatever girl at the club was impressed with a guy who scored a gig on a long-running sitcom by saying stupid things in a funny accent.

As far as the rest of them, I don’t know. Laura Prepon has potential, but I haven’t seen her in anything recently. Danny Masterson is pretty good at playing a Zeppelin lovin, cocaine glasses wearin, stoner, but I’m not sure I can imagine him doing much else.

Kunis’ career might take off a little if Forgetting Sarah Marshall is a hit, which is a definite possibility. Of course she is also the voice of Meg Griffin on Family Guy, which should keep her working for quite a while.

Ballistic: Paxton vs. Pullman

They have the same initials. If you’re drunk enough, you’re likely to mistake which one was in Twister and which one was in Independence Day. In fact, some people think they are the same person. But lo and behold, they are two different people and the time has come to decide which one’s career would win in a death match.

They’ve both proven they’ve been able to land big blows. Paxton’s mid-90s four-punch, 47-percent damage-inducing combo of Tombstone, True Lies, Apollo 13 and Titanic would almost be enough to keep Pullman down for good. But later Paxton slipped on a banana peel, stubbed his toe on the couch and accidentally bumped his head while unloading the dishwasher in three bumbling moves known as Mighty Joe Young, Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams, and Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over, allowing Pullman to recover a little.

Pullman was able to land a few good punches back in his prime as well. Spaceballs, A League of Their Own, and Sleepless in Seattle should not be taken lightly. However, he has been known to participate in top-notch buffoonery as well, such as Mr. Wrong, Lake Placid and Scary Movie 4, just to name a few.

Both appeared in a major 90’s blockbuster – Independence Day for Pullman, and Twister for Paxton. Neither of those movies have aged well, so we’ll call that a draw.

But in the “What Have You Done for me Lately?” category, I’ve got to hand it to Paxton. He stars in HBO’s critically-acclaimed show, Big Love, where as Pullman’s latest role to reach the conventional radar was a guest spot on Law and Order: SVU. So there you have it – Paxton comes out the victor.